Failure can be a major impediment to a successful career. The hurt from it can last a lifetime. The fear of it can stifle your ambition and diminish your potential. So, you might ask, what’s the point of learning about a subject that’s known to cause such grief and suffering?

The answer is that by digging deeper into the cause of the failure, you’ll discover a whole new perspective on how to respond when things don’t go your way. In addition to finding the underlying reason, you’ll also learn how to turn your pain into gain. This can help fuel your development as a learning professional.

Failure is temporary; it only has lasting impact if you let it. Until you know the reason behind it, you’re speculating at your own risk. You may give up on a relationship or a job too soon and be dead wrong. Rather than treating failure as a hapless predicament, instead, explore the source of the rejection to find out what you can learn from it.

Here are the five most common conditions under which you are likely to experience rejection as a consequence of failure and suggested responses to each.

1. A person you’ve approached has no need for what you offer or represent: That hurts, but it’s no big deal. There is nothing to be gained from a relationship with a disagreeable or negatively disposed person, so let it go and move on.
2. The person has misunderstood what you have to offer or represent: That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Ask for an opportunity to explain your intentions. Try to change his or her mind by providing new information or offering an alternative.
3. The person has recognized a weakness or a flaw in what you offer or represent: That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Acknowledge your shortcomings and agree to apply your other strengths to compensate for it, or to improve your offering accordingly.
4. The person has revealed something negative about you or what you offer that was previously unknown to you: That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Thank them for being honest. Acknowledge the fault graciously and work to overcome it.
5. The person has no idea who you are or what you offer: That hurts, but it’s no big deal. You’ve been rejected for a highly arbitrary reason and may never know why. There’s not much you can do about this situation so let it go and move on.

Behavioral Insights

Remember: Your personal worth is derived from who you are, not from what you do, nor from how others feel about what you didn’t do. Self-esteem is enhanced proportionally to the difficulty of the task. The tougher it is to do, the better you’re going to feel about yourself when you get it done. For instance, achieving strategic alignment, a notoriously difficult task, will give you a dose of confidence in your role as an L&D leader.

• You do things for a reason, sometimes unconsciously. Your behavior has an ego payoff. Understand what it is, and improvement becomes easier.
• Feeling bad about the past is futile. Concentrate on those things you can redo or revise. Spend less time thinking about situations you can’t change.
• Be conscious of when you are letting other people determine your behavior, especially when it goes against your beliefs.
• Enjoy what’s here, right now, because the present is the only certainty you have … and the only time you’re in control of what happens next.

Success Follows a Pattern

Successful people will tell you that whatever they’ve been able to accomplish has been the result of working hard, staying focused on what matters to them and not letting failure get in the way.

They also acknowledge that the risk of failure and the fear of rejection that is bound to follow are always present whenever they undertook anything worthwhile, but that it didn’t stop them from trying, sometimes repeatedly.

Perceiving the negative reactions from others as signs of your failure is natural. It is tempting to respond by withdrawing from the situation to avoid the pain. It feels personal, like a judgment has been rendered and you’ve been found guilty.

Rather than let failure dominate your emotions and freeze your aspirations, the more productive response would be to internalize the following pattern for success.

Success requires risk.

Risk is a means of measuring the depth of your determination. You risk failure whenever you commit yourself to a goal. You risk losing support from others whenever you act on your own set of objectives. The more risks you take, the more likely you are to succeed. It takes courage to take risks.

Risk escalates failure.

You will fail many times in your role as an L&D leader. Look upon failure as part of the learning process. Examine the cause and strive to avoid similar mistakes in the future. Adopt the “no big deal” philosophy, which means that when one thing doesn’t work, try something else until you find what does.

Failure builds confidence.

Feeling good about who you are and accepting that what you’re doing is right for you builds self-confidence. Believe in your own self-worth. You may have faults and others will point them out, but as a unique individual no one is better than you.

Confidence raises self-esteem.

Do what makes sense and others will support your efforts. Don’t compromise your values. Remember, your achievements are well earned and well deserved. Surround yourself with supportive people. Find an environment where you are appreciated. Trust in yourself.

How you handle failure can influence your ability to model the success pattern. If failure becomes a “big deal” it is not because of its magnitude, but rather your reaction to it.

Failure and the learning that comes with it can be put to good use once you understand and accept that it’s not about you. Rather, it’s about what you offer or represent that people are rejecting.

To avoid being overwhelmed by failure when it occurs, use the following principles to guide and sustain you.

• Think of failure as a means of measuring the importance of your involvement. You risk being rejected whenever you act on your own beliefs.
• Look on failure as part of the learning process. You will be rejected many times in your career. Examine the cause and avoid similar missteps in the future.
• Adopt a no big deal philosophy. When one thing doesn’t work the way you expected, don’t give up — try something else.
• Have a strong belief in your personal worth and professional value. You have much to contribute that has not yet been tried or tested.
• Do what you believe in, and others will believe in you. Trust and support others and they will trust and support you.
• Don’t compromise yourself and your values. Hold yourself up and treat yourself well. You’ve earned it and you deserve it!